Want to curl up and die

Struggling this week. Wish I could just curl up and die. I'm so low and tired, fed up of not sleeping and then being exhausted all day.
That bloody smile is painted on my face but underneath the smile I'm crumbling and it hurts.
I'm fed up of putting on that brave face, of holding my family together and being the strong one. I want someone to just be there for me. To give me a hug and make me a cuppa - just to hold me and tell me it will be ok.
My temperature is high again and one abscess looks infected - fed up of the bloody stupid things. Just wish they would heal.
I rang my mental health team today as I needed to try and calm myself. The receptionist asked me why I needed to talk to my cpn - as if I'm going to tell her! I just put the phone down. Feel so stupid.
Why isn't help there when they keep telling me it is?
Should I go back on medication or should I just give in? Scary question